A mess of thoughts as I try to process something here…
We live this life. We believe it. We believe it so much that it hurts. We sacrifice all kinds of worldly things and look like fools to so many people, even our closest loved ones. Then there are those around us who don’t live this life, who don’t really believe, who don’t sacrifice, and things just seem to work out for them. And then we, who are trying (and sometimes greatly failing) to love and serve God and follow all the teachings of the Church, end up getting the short end of the stick. It’s a bold statement, and I understand we can never truly know the inner workings of another person’s heart – what often seems like perfection can be threaded with sorrow. But please just go with me.
I know there’s some deep theological questions here, and we have been trying to probe them and understand what we can while still leaving a big part of it up to faith. But emotionally…mentally…physically…spiritually…it’s hard.
At the end of the day, though, if I’m not offering joy to those around me who are experiencing great blessings, even if it seems unfair (how childish of me), than I am not glorifying God. Great theologians and philosophers have pondered the problem of pain and why God allows certain things to happen. I could ponder for years and end up back at square one. It’s not my job to understand everything in this life; it’s not my job to conclude why suffering exists and what exactly it means in my life. But I do have to love through it. Through tears, tantrums, isolated silence, I must love God and neighbor. And trust that all things work for good for those who love God. [Romans 8:28]
So that is what I will strive for. Love is not a feeling, it is a committed choice. And even though I may want to crawl in a hole sometimes and sit in self-pity, God calls us out of ourselves. By immense grace, he helps us to live a life of love that is infinitely greater than ourselves. And just because someone else is experiencing an abundant good, does not mean that I am robbed of good. So it is my duty and my privilege to celebrate for others…even if it hurts.
There. That is my rambling for today. Let’s be Saints, shall we?